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i can't talk about my adoption without my mind going blank and stuttering about it?
February 7, 2011
6 thoughts on “i can't talk about my adoption without my mind going blank and stuttering about it?”
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"Blanking out" is usually associated with anxiety… It sounds like you are dissociating, so I imagine that years of unresolved grieving have become too threatening to process all at once for you. This is actually very normal for adult adoptees… it can take a lifetime to really work through adoption trauma, including the anger you might not want to feel. The more you talk about it & work through the emotions, the less you will blank out like this. I suggest going to the forum posted above & talking to other adult adoptees about these issues. I know it helped me.
Sounds like you’ve suppressed a lot of feelings over the years and this usually comes from unresolved fears and/or trouble reading/perceiving other peoples expressions/responses in a positive way. ((hugs))
A large part of who we are originates from our interactions – essentially this is where we come to understand who we are. Being adopted hinders the process because you were separated from your first mom and all the crying in the world didn’t bring her back. ((hugs))
On a positive note – it’s a good thing to be in contact with your biological mom and she sounds like she wants to be sensitive to your feelings. From what I see in your post (and my own experience) I don’t think you should be afraid to tell her how you feel – I don’t think she wants to lose you a second time around.
Let your heart speak the words sweety and don’t be afraid.
Is there anyone you can interact with who knows you well enough to ask you exactly the right questions to let you tap into your feelings? Maybe your parents or your siblings? I know with my kids, I sometimes act as just a listening ear that they bounce ideas off of and talk until they figure things out themselves. I don’t really have to answer them…just by talking things through they figure out their own feelings. Maybe by talking to your mom or dad about it, you’ll be able to talk it through, identify your feelings, and get over your fear and resentment.
You are right to want to try to forgive your first mother though. Carrying around anger like that isn’t good for you, and it will be good for her too to know that you can understand the pressures she was under, the fears she had when making her decision, etc. It will come more natural to you over time.
All the best!
your noot going to forgive her until you are ready. my parents gave me up and i was adopted last yer. i still havnt forgiven them for anything. dont push yourself. go at your own pace. but i dout things with your stuttering will get better until you really truely forgive her. dont ever be ashamed of your feelings tward her. even if she wanted to keep you. if your friends bring her up just say you dont want to talk about it. i had to do that forever. i had to go to therapy and suprisingly it helped alot. and if you feel you dont ever want to meet her kids then dont. this is your life and at the end of the day you have to do whats best for you. if you need to take it slower then let her know.
i really hope this helps. best wishes to you
This sounds perfectly normal. How are you supposed to feel, if not confused by the whole situation? I would personally recommend some talk therapy to help you deal with your feelings.
Take an Internet stroll over to http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/ and see what you think of it ’cause it is THE best place in teh in70lubes for adoptees to go to sort their heads out … what with it being full of adoptees sorting their heads out. :}